Disastrous Driving
by JustPlainMemories
Summary: The Decimo should have banned his guardians from driving when he had the chance.
1. How it all began

**A/N:** Hey guys! I came up with this idea a little while ago and it just kept bugging me until I wrote it down. Originally, this was supposed to be a oneshot like my previous KHR fic, 'Why The Decimo's Guardian's Don't Do Paperwork' but once I started writing, things just kept going and going and going and- uh, you get the point right? :)

So, anyways, this is probably going to be a two-shot or three-shot so... yeah :)

**_Disclamer: _**I own nothing. Not even a wallet guys.

_Warning_: A few bad words here and there. I mean really, what do you expect? Gokudera's in this fic.

* * *

Having come to terms with the fact that he was born under the unluckiest star combination to ever grace the heavens, Tsuna knew full well that his crappy luck was not to be trifled with. So, with this in mind, he should have known that asking his guardians to drive him to his meetings that week would have ended up quite horribly, and in one way or another, he'd be the one taking the brunt of the disasters that would ensue.

_But it really seemed like a good idea at that time._ Tsuna thought as he stared at the cracked ceiling of the hospital room he currently occupied. The doctors had said it would take a few weeks for him to actually be able to move his limbs and apparently even longer for him to fully heal. They had also said that he was really lucky he'd survived- Tsuna had been in too much pain to laugh at the irony- for no normal human could have lived after such an accident.

Tsuna bit back a groan as he shifted on the bed for the last thing he wanted to do was wake his guardians and tutor. His ever so loyal friends were all sprawled in various places in the hospital room, sleeping, as they waited for their boss to regain consciousness. And although Tsuna not wanting to wake them up sounded sweet, his reasons were anything but. The very moment he was capable of moving his limbs, he was going to double X-burner every single one of them (there were a few exceptions but he was a man on a mission so he'd think about them later) then board a plane to the farthest place from the country.

It wouldn't be of much help because they'd still track him down and drag him back for their revenge but it would still buy him some time.

With one more glance at his sleeping guardians, Tsuna sighed as he returned his tired gaze to the cream colored ceiling and tried to discern the random patterns formed on the cracked plaster.

And as he slowly drifted off to sleep, the memory of how he had ended up with a body full of broken bones played out in his mind.

* * *

"… Yes… yes… yeah… Ah, I see. Well, I hope he recovers soon Mrs. Fernandez. Don't worry about the bills, the Vongola will take care of everything… Yes… Goodbye ma'am."

There was a soft click and the line went dead.

Tsuna sighed as he placed the receiver back on its rightful place. Glancing around his office, his eyes narrowed as they searched for any intruders, and once he realized there was no one, he dropped his head on the table with a groan. One would think that after becoming a boss, Tsuna would at least become a little more dignified when it came to handling stressful situations but no, that was not the case.

As he lay there, face down on his desk, he moaned, cried and damned the heavens for giving him such barbaric and psychotic guardians.

The phone call from Mrs. Fernandez had been the eleventh one he'd received from the family members of the Vongola guardians' personal drivers that month. Tsuna really couldn't blame her for being so pissed, but if she were to accuse anyone, he was the last person she should be lashing out on. It wasn't his fault her husband was critically injured.

After all, everything happened because the poor man had been in the wrong place, at the wrong time, surrounded by the wrong people.

_But still… this is just ridiculous!_ Tsuna mentally screamed as he sat up once more.

He ran a hand through his messy brown locks before leaning- which was really more like sinking- back into his chair.

Ever since he'd come to accept his position as Decimo, all the drivers that had been hired to transport him and his guardians had either been mentally scarred, seriously injured, or killed on the job. This of course brought up the question of how, since their jobs just involved driving. Surely misfortunes of that intensity couldn't be brought about by such a thing, right?

Wrong.

When the Vongola guardians were involved, anything was possible.

The inhuman battles that broke out in the car when all of them were present were enough to cause the drivers (that survived) to either quit or retire early regardless of the high salary they received. As for the ones who died, Tsuna was forced to make up some lies about enemy Mafiosi attacking the car just to cover up his friends' tracks.

But looking at the empty application forms sitting on his desk, he knew he had a problem. Their current driver was in the hospital- Tsuna was sure he wasn't going to make it- and no one in their right mind was willing to apply for the position. The Decimo didn't want to force anyone into the job because of how deadly it was but… seriously?

No one?

Were his guardians really that bad?

Okay, maybe they were, but so what?

_What am I going to do now?_

Tsuna had seven different meetings through out the whole week and he knew no one would let him drive himself. And no, it wasn't because of his position in the family, rather… it was because he didn't know how. The fact that he'd spent most of his life trying to protect himself from crazy lunatics out for his head and training to be the next Vongola boss instead of taking some time to learn how to drive a car clearly proved that he'd get into an accident before he even left the mansion's gates.

So, no.

His guardians would rather drive him off themselves than-

_That's it! _

The brunet shot up so fast his chair toppled over and fell onto the ground with a thud. Smile still in place though, he hurriedly picked it up before grabbing a pen, pencil and ruler from his desk drawer and fishing out a plain paper from one of the stacks that towered on his table. Tsuna then went on to spend the rest of his evening planning a suitable timetable on when and who would drive him through out the entire week.

After all, if he couldn't hire drivers, he'd just have to use his friends.

(He felt a little dirty for thinking so but once he remembered it was their fault his guilt was immediately squashed and replaced by some form of unconstrained happiness).

* * *

"I always knew I was your favorite! I'm truly honored Tenth!"

Tsuna just smiled awkwardly at his Storm guardian. Because, really, what on earth was he supposed to say to that?

His right-hand man was grinning from ear to ear as he made that statement, and the Decimo couldn't help but notice the tears of joy that threatened to stream down the silverette's face. Tsuna was unaware of how he should react, for this was weird all on it's own since all he'd done was tell him that due to the driver being hospitalized- translated as probably dead by now- he would be the one to drive him off that day.

Gokudera seemed to overlook the fact that Tsuna had told all his other guardians the same thing (provided a different day of course) and solely focused on the part that involved him. Apparently being chosen as the first one was all the Storm guardian cared about.

"Don't forget your seatbelt Tenth."

That was the only thing Gokudera stated before he inserted the key and ignited the car. Before Tsuna could even determine where said seatbelt was, the scarlet car was already speeding off.

It was then that Tsuna realized that despite his crazy skills with explosives, Gokudera had another talent.

Racecar driving.

The way the car swerved to avoid the other vehicles on the road had Tsuna impressed considering the fact that they had exceeded the speed limit by God knows how many miles. There were countless times he'd seen his life flash before his eyes during that ride alone but Gokudera would always evade the danger with ease.

However, once the Decimo had (sort of) gotten over the fear of death, his luck seemed to want to make itself known. The very moment they rounded the second last corner to their destination, police cars popped up from nowhere and started chasing them.

_What?!_

Tsuna cast Gokudera a panicked look but he immediately recoiled back into his seat when he noticed the devilish smirk that had formed on his friend's face. "Hold on to anything you can get your hands on Tenth!" That was the only warning Tsuna received before the car did a rapid U-turn and started racing towards the cops at a speed that was now past the point of being illegal. "Gokudera-kun! Are you crazy?! We're going to die!"

Gokudera smiled- he _fucking _smiled- at his boss. "I'm sorry Tenth, I can't hear you with all these sirens!"

_How come I heard you just fine?!_

Eyes gleaming and unholy glee radiating off of him in waves, Gokudera reached into his pockets and pulled out enough dynamites to destroy about four or five skyscrapers. Tsuna was just about to yell about them when the roof of the car suddenly went down and the silverette stood on his seat (where he expertly managed to drive with only one foot on the steering wheel) before tossing his already lit explosives at the roaring group of police vehicles.

"Eat this you law-abiding bastards!" Various explosions erupted on the road after that declaration.

Gokudera then sat back on his seat, satisfied.

"You did not just kill those people!" Tsuna's eyes were almost as wide as saucers.

"… No… of course not."

Tsuna was not convinced, and Gokudera sensed this because he then added, "They're alive Tenth… really."

_Yeah, but just barely!_

Tsuna was just about to give off the order of going back home because he suddenly didn't feel well when a lone police car emerged from the cloud of smoke that coated the street. It's state looked absolutely irreparable but that didn't do anything to decrease it's speed or the driver's determination.

"What the fuck?!" Gokudera glared at the vehicle and he readily pulled up more dynamites from his pockets. Before Tsuna could even process what was going on, Gokudera tossed the explosives at the police car but the driver evaded them with a level of ease that even had the Storm guardian shocked. After multiple attempts at trying to blow up the noisy car, Gokudera was just about ready to ram his Ferrari into it just so he would be done with the pest. "Why don't you just fucking die?!"

"Gokudera-kun," Tsuna's eyes were wide and his hand was clutching the left part of his chest as he spoke. "I… think we… should just go… home…"

The silverette's eyes narrowed as he scrutinized his boss. "Tenth, are you okay?"

"No… it's nothing... I'm just… about to… you know… have… a… heart attack…"

"Tenth?!"

"Relax… it happens… all the time…"

Gokudera didn't relax.

Instead, he instantly changed course and headed back to the Vongola mansion. He didn't even care about blowing up the police officer anymore- his best friend's life was in danger and he'd be damned if he didn't get him to Shamal on time. He couldn't remember when it was that he lost the police that was chasing him but he barely gave it a second thought.

He had to get to Shamal.

Fast.

That day, Tsuna missed his meeting with the don of the Bovino Famiglia because of cardiac arrest.

* * *

"It's good to see you up and about Tsuna! I thought you'd be bedridden for days." Yamamoto said with a smile.

His Rain guardian's grin was infectious because Tsuna immediately found himself doing so as well. "Doctor Shamal said it was nothing serious. He made a few mosquitoes bite me and said I'll be fine if I avoid stressful situations."

The raven slung his arm over Tsuna's shoulders as they made their way to the car. "I'm surprised he even agreed to treat you."

"Yeah… well, Gokudera probably persuaded him…" _Because Shamal clearly doesn't care that I'm the one who signs his paychecks._

Yamamoto laughed. "Yeah. Hayato sure does have a way with words."

Tsuna nodded in agreement. His Storm guardian definitely had talent. After all, how could someone make 'cotton candy' sound like an insult even far worse than asshole? The conversation Tsuna and Yamamoto had as they entered the Rain Guardian's blue car made the Decimo relax. And for some unknown reason, he actually found himself at ease even when his Hyper Intuition reacted differently.

As Yamamoto drove off from the mansion, Tsuna was surprised to find that (unlike with Gokudera), he didn't even need to put on his seatbelt with how his Rain guardian was driving.

_Yamamoto sure is an amazing driver_. He thought as he slowly leaned into his seat. The raven paid attention to all the signs and traffic lights, he observed all road rules and regulations and he didn't even dare exceed the speed limit despite the road being practically empty. What more could the Decimo have asked for?

Tsunayoshi Sawada relaxed into his seat and watched the scenery as they passed by.

Then, _it _happened.

They were just one kilometer away from their destination when the traffic lights went red- but Tsuna hardly thought anything of it since their car was at the front of the queue. _We'll get there in no time._

Suddenly (out of nowhere), a dark car with bright colored flames painted all over its lower half came and halted next to them. The driver of the vehicle looked like a teenage junkie who had an unhealthy obsession with piercings and tattoos, and just like any other grown man his age, Tsuna felt inclined to ignore him.

So he did.

But Yamamoto didn't.

The raven kept glancing over at the teenager and his group of friends every now and then through out the whole wait. Each time he looked, he was met with a cocky smirk from the driver and the sound of a roaring engine that clearly spoke of the man's intentions. Never one to turn down a challenge, Yamamoto nodded his consent when the traffic lights switched to yellow and his cheerful and carefree demeanor immediately shifted to the determined look he always had when battling an enemy of the Family.

Yamamoto's eyes narrowed and his grip on the steering wheel tightened as he spoke. "Hold on to anything you can get your hands on Tsuna."

Tsuna shot his friend a puzzled look. "Funny… that's the same thing Gokudera-kun told me yesterday."

Yamamoto smiled, but didn't answer. And when the lights turned green, the Rain guardian sped off at a speed that was way past the car's limit. He almost ran into other vehicles during his race but just like a professional, he avoided them without any trouble at all.

And although Yamamoto's driving was nowhere near as insane as Gokudera's, Tsuna's life flashed before his eyes as well. "Takeshi! Stop! We're gonna die!"

The raven paid his boss no mind.

His attention was solely focused on the boy that had challenged him and, like all challenges he was faced with, Yamamoto won. And quite easily at that.

The Rain guardian had long since lost sight of the black car when a police car rounded the corner they'd just come from and started chasing them. Yamamoto, being a good citizen by nature, parked his Jaguar at the side of the road without hesitation and calmly waited for the cop to catch up with them.

As they waited, Yamamoto appeared to be the epitome of serene, his form not showing any sign of being scared. Tsuna on the other hand, was a nervous wreck. _The police? Seriously?!_

After the police car had parked as well, a burly, blond haired man with a mustache walked out of the vehicle and approached them. His features were rough, his gaze was stern, and for some reason, Tsuna just knew he was screwed.

"Is there a problem officer?" Yamamoto asked innocently. The policeman gave him a look that said, 'You broke over ten fucking rules and you're asking me if there's a problem?', but that angry stare immediately dissipated when realization dawned on the man. "Takeshi?"

"… Ricardo?"

The cop, Ricardo, nodded at the raven with a smile.

Now, let it be known that Tsuna knew his friends just as well as he knew the back of his hand. Well, sure they each had a few secrets of their own, but never in his life would he have imagined that Yamamoto, a ring guardian to the most powerful _mafia_ family on the planet, was friends with a cop. _How did this even happen?!_

Tsuna never found out the answer to his question. However, a few minutes later, he realized exactly how dangerous Yamamoto was.

The art of making people relax in your presence was a skill that was beyond rare in the mafia world, but to Yamamoto, that came just about as easily as breathing. In a span of less than ten minutes, the Rain guardian had already found out about the man's life, his birthday, his health, his family, his home, his ancestors and his plans after retirement. If Yamamoto had been an assassin, finding- read as murdering- Ricardo at a later date would have been quite easy.

The two friends had already started wrapping up their conversation when Ricardo finally noticed Tsuna. "Hey, you look awfully familiar... Have I seen you before?"

Tsuna blinked. "Nope."

"Wait… that face, that horrible hairstyle… do you by any chance know a silver haired terrorist?"

"… No."

"Ah, you mean Gokudera!"

Tsuna stared at Yamamoto, horrified. But the raven didn't seem to be finished digging his friend's grave yet. "He's not a terrorist Ricardo. He's always carrying dynamites around but he's actually quite nice once you get to know him. The three of us-", he motioned for Tsuna with his hand, "- go way back."

"Does this… Gokudera… by any chance own a bright red car."

"Yeah. He actually drove Tsuna around town yesterday and blew up some police ca… oh." Yamamoto's eyes widened when he finally realized his slip. The Rain guardian looked at the policeman, then at Tsuna, then back at the policeman again and laughed nervously. "Oops."

The cop's stern look returned once more as he faced Tsuna. "So you were with the bastard that tried to blow me up yesterday huh?"

Tsuna nodded nervously. "… Uh, yes. But… just to be sure… Were you the one who was chasing us in that badly wrecked car or just one of the random cops Gokudera-kun blew up at the beginning of the chase?"

A hard glare answered his question.

"Oh." _He just had to be the one chasing us!_

Tsuna, now resigned to whatever fate God had in store for him, calmly opened his door and walked towards the policeman with his arms outstretched in front. "Okay, let's get this over with." He then turned to Yamamoto, "Could you please head off to the meeting and tell Longchamp that I'm sorry I couldn't make it today. Maybe we could take a rain check or something."

And as an afterthought, Tsuna added, "Oh, and if Reborn asks, tell him I'm in jail."

Although surprised at the brunet's nonchalant behavior regarding the prospect of going to prison, Ricardo wasted no time in handcuffing him. He then led Tsuna back to the car where he drove off to the police station, leaving a stunned Yamamoto behind to think about what just happened.

That day, Tsuna missed his meeting with the don of the Tomaso Famiglia because he was sent to prison.

* * *

It was almost midnight when Tsuna returned to the mansion.

Reborn had come by the police station a few hours back and managed to set things straight between his client, 'Tsunoshi Shawada' and the police. Of course, Tsuna was well aware of the fact that it was best to keep his identity as a mafia boss hidden, especially from the cops, but seriously?

Tsunoshi Shawada?

He and Reborn really needed to have a talk.

As he headed off to his room, Tsuna made a mental note to cancel Lambo's name from his list of potential drivers as soon as possible.

When he had exited the police station, Ricardo had told him to watch his back because from now on, he'd be watching him like a hawk. If he was sent to prison (no questions asked) just for being in the same car as a bomber, who knows what would happen to him if he was caught forcing a fifteen year old to be his chauffeur?

_Well, I guess Onii-san will drive me off tomorrow instead._

* * *

**A/N:** And that's it for the first chappie ^^. I really hope you guys enjoyed it. Next up, we have Ryohei, Hibari and (if possible) Mukuro.

Please review guys. You were all awesome the last time and I'd really love it you'd all be like that once more. Plus, reviews seriously motivate me to write faster. So yeah... please review?

(I'd also really appreciate it if you guys actually listened to my request instead of blatantly ignoring it (: )


	2. He should have learnt by then

**A/N**: Hey guys! Thank you so much for all the reviews, favs and alerts! Me appreciates it XD. I was like... totally blown away with all the feedback lol. You all totally rock! Here's the next chapter like I promised.

Anyways, before I start the story, I'd like to give a big thank you to the reviewers (the anonymous reviews have their replies in this segment while all those with accounts were replied to by PM).

Said reviewers are:

PridieHunny, Guest (Aw, I'm really you enjoyed it (: Well, anyways, you don't have to wait any longer, the next chapter is already up! XD), Yorutsuki-Lunia, Aomi112, heitan,Lightning515, Hibari Katomi, uniquemangalover, Guest (I'm really glad this made your day ^^. Thanx for reading, and reviewing of course (: ), Tsuna 4 Cn4s, DNAngel512, The lone cloud, WaiiKitsune, YamadaHikari, CrimsonSkyTamer, Future Foreteller (Thanks for the review! Haha! You actually got some of the predictions right. I'm seriously impressed ^^. You'll find out which ones in this chapie (: ), Hyper Apple (You're right about that (: Tsuna really shouldn't have trusted Ryohei… but I'm sure he'll learn that in this chapter haha! Thanx for the review) and 69AnimeFreak69

Okay, now on to the story!

_**Disclaimer**_: I am broke. I have debts. If you think that I can own KHR then... wow. You definitely need help... :)

_Warning:_ This is not yaoi or het okay. This basically has no pairings, however, the readers are free to interpret anything they see as they wish- I can't and won't try to stop that. I just felt I should say this since I don't want any het-haters or yaoi-haters (are those even words?) telling me that they didn't like a part because it was too het/yaoi-ish- ...that would probably just be their imagination talking lol

(There's nothing in this chapter or fic, but I just thought I should say it... for the heck of it! XD )

Oh, and one more thing; Hibird's not dead! (You'll understand what I mean later)

* * *

"I'm EXTREMELY excited Sawada!"

"Um… that's nice. Why?"

"I EXTREMELY don't know! Now get in the car!"

"… Okay." Tsuna complied hesitantly. Now that the time to ride with his Sun guardian had come, he was actually starting to think that maybe he should have canceled his name off the previous night as well.

… _Nah, that'd just crush him. At least I had a plausible excuse with Lambo._

Thinking back, Tsuna realized that the Lightning guardian had reacted quite calmly after he broke the news to him during breakfast.

Knowing Lambo, the Decimo had at least thought he'd start crying after he'd been told that he was removed from the list because of his age (everyone knew how the teenager hated being let off from missions and assignments just because of being the youngest), but the Bovino had simply smiled at his older brother and told him that he'd have to make it up to him… if he survived Ryohei.

Tsuna never had the chance to ask Lambo what he meant by that for he was immediately dragged out of the room by the ever-energetic Sun guardian.

"Uh… Onii-san?" Tsuna asked quietly once he snapped out of his musings. The fear in his voice went unnoticed by Ryohei even as he continued, "… Where's the seatbelt?"

"Oh, I had it removed because it was EXTREMELY uncool!" And without even waiting for a response from his boss, the Sun guardian thrust his key into the ignition and started the car. "Hold on to anything you can EXTREMELY get your hands on Sawada!"

Screw his guardian's feelings. If this wasn't a good enough sign that his life was in danger, then he didn't know what was. Tsuna hurriedly reached for the door and unlocked it- but before he could fully open it and jump out, the car was already speeding off.

Fearing to fall off and die a pitiful death, he quickly closed the door before turning to face Ryohei and screaming, "What is wrong with you people?!" Tsuna then turned and hugged his seat tightly since it was the only stable object he could find within his reach- and he'd be damned if he let go anytime soon. "Why can't you all just drive like normal human beings?!"

Ryohei completely turned to face Tsuna, not even bothering to remember that drivers were supposed to keep their eyes at the road at all times. "Did you say something Sawada?!"

Tsuna's eyes widened. "Watch the roa- Forget that! Stop the car! You'll get us killed."

"What?!"

"Stop the car!"

"I'm sorry but that's going to be an EXTREME no!" Ryohei screamed with a smile. He almost ran over an innocent pedestrian a few seconds later but the poor soul had been smart enough to run for his life when he had the chance. The Decimo was glad the random man had escaped but that didn't stop him from crying. "Why man?! Why?!"

"Relax Sawada! Feel the wind in your hair!"

Tsuna hugged his seat tighter. "I see my life flashing before my eyes!"

"It's okay! You'll EXTREMELY get used to it!" The Sun guardian replied happily. He swerved the car and drove into the sidewalk where he almost ran over a cat, three Girl scouts and an old lady, but apparently he didn't seem to notice for he just laughed and smiled as he asked Tsuna about his thoughts on the weather.

Ryohei continued on that path- constantly endangering innocent people's lives on the way despite Tsuna's screams and protests- until he entered an alleyway. Since the area itself was pretty small, Ryohei was forced to defy several laws of physics by tilting his Lamborghini at a forty five degree angle to the side and driving with only two wheels.

Tsuna, who had closed his eyes back when Ryohei had almost sent a few people over to heaven before their time, immediately forced them open when he felt the car's horizontal movement shift to a diagonal one. _Why does everyone I'm friends with have to have unusual driving skills?! _

"Onii-san…" In spite of trying to mask his fear, the Decimo's voice came out weak. "Where are you taking me?"

Ryohei's smile remained, even as he spoke. "Relax! I know an EXTREME shortcut!"

"No!" Tsuna still clung to his seat for dear life as he yelled. "Stick to the map Onii-san! For the love of all that's sacred, please just stick to the map!" _Reborn gave it to you for a reason!_

The Sun guardian just laughed. "I EXTREMELY don't need a map, Sawada! You can relax! Look, we're almost there!"

Choosing to believe his enthusiastic guardian for once, Tsuna tore his gaze from Ryohei and stared at the area he was showing him instead. The Decimo's jaw immediately dropped when his eyes landed on the sight.

The alleyway seemed to have led them to the less advanced part of town if the presence of a dirt road was any indication. In all honesty, the street itself was nothing special; a tiny geographical area filled with stores, cheap apartments and makeshift houses, each of those built to accommodate the ludicrous number of people that resided there.

Tsuna wasn't even going to comment on the strange fountain that was spewing a suspiciously smelly brown liquid a few meters from them. Instead, he turned to face his driver, slowly, and with the gentlest voice he could muster, he said, "Onii-san, I don't think this is a shortcut."

"Nonsense Sawada! This is the place! I'm EXTREMELY sure of it!"

"… Have you ever been here?"

"Nope!"

Tsuna blanched.

And Ryohei drove…. into a cabbage stand, a flower shop, a butcher- and just when Tsuna thought he was done, he rammed into a psychic's tent as well.

"This is EXTREMELY fun!"

"How on earth is nearly killing people fun?!"

"They're still alive Tsuna so it's EXTREMELY okay!"

"Who the hell came up with that crazy logic?!"

"Master PaoPao says so!"

_Damn you Reborn!_ Tsuna was about to talk to Ryohei about his profoundly wrong sense of reasoning when the sound of sirens assaulted his ears. Lifting his head slightly from his position on the seat, he glanced through the glass behind the back seats, and nearly burst into tears when he saw the police car chasing them. _Of all the people why does it have to be him?!_

The Decimo shot his Sun guardian a panicked look. "Just park the car Onii-san! Don't make it any worse! Once you show him your license, I'm sure he'll understand!"

"What's a license?!"

"… You're joking right?" Tsuna's eyes were wide with fear as he grabbed his friend by the collar of his shirt. "Right?!"

Ryohei crashed into a fire hydrant due to the unexpected distraction but he still continued as if nothing happened. Smiling, he replied, "I'm EXTREMELY serious!"

Tsuna released his guardian's shirt, and for a brief moment he entertained the idea of parking anyway, but once he remembered that Ricardo was the one chasing them, he immediately changed his mind. "Drive like your life depends on it Onii-san! You are to lose that guy at all costs!"

Ryohei raised an eyebrow at his friend's sudden change of attitude. "Okay… but-"

"I am not going back to jail!"

_Ah, so that's why. _With an affirmative nod, the Sun guardian stepped on the pedal and it was only a matter of time before he outrun the cop.

However, minutes later, Tsuna wasn't sure how they ended up where they did, but he was certain of one thing.

Ryohei didn't lose the cop.

He lost himself…

… and dragged Tsuna along with him in the process.

"Onii-san, I'll head up-" Tsuna donned his gloves and opened the door as he spoke. "-and check the forest from there. As soon as I see the city I'll come back and you can drive us there." _Because I definitely won't be able to fly and carry you at the same time. _(1)

"That's a great idea Sawada! The only problem is that we're EXTREMELY out of gas!" After a few more seconds, Ryohei then added, "We EXTREMELY have no cell reception either!"

Tsuna sighed in response. "We'll just walk back home then."

That day, Tsuna missed his meeting with the don of the Beccio Famiglia because he'd gotten lost in the woods.

* * *

Sheets crumpled due to sporadic shuffling and pillows soaked with drool but all that went unnoticed by the Decimo as he slumbered. With how exhausted he'd been when he'd returned the day before, it wouldn't be a surprise if he still managed to stay asleep even if Reborn used his far-too-cruel-to-be-legal waking methods.

When the Beccio Famiglia had realized that the time Tsuna and Ryohei had taken to arrive at the meeting place was far beyond reasonable, they had called to ask about the Decimo's whereabouts.

Gokudera had been hysterical at the news of his missing boss. He screamed at anyone who had the misfortune of coming across his path while Yamamoto, Lambo and Chrome; the calmest of the guardians, tried their best at calming the raging silverette, as well as anyone else who felt the need to express themselves regarding the situation.

Hibari on the other hand, simply didn't care.

Tsuna and the boxing herbivore were both strong enough to handle themselves so he saw no need in crowding around the mansion trying to discuss about where they could be. He left not long after Gokudera started screaming about skinning Ryohei alive if he found a single hair out of place on Tsuna's head. The skylark really didn't want to know how or why the Storm guardian knew about their boss's hair arrangement so he immediately disappeared into the shadows when the chance arose.

And like Hibari, Mukuro didn't really give a damn about Tsuna's whereabouts either.

He was still angry at the brunet for putting Kyoya one day before him in his pitiful excuse of a 'drivers timetable' and he wasn't going to let it go before having his revenge. If Tsuna thought that Mukuro would just sit back and watch as he was seconded to Hibari, then his boss was definitely in for a big surprise.

Letting off a very creepy string of 'Kufufufus' as an idea formed in his mind, Mukuro failed to notice the people that slowly backed away from him.

But of course, as Tsuna slept peacefully the next day, unaware of the dastardly plans Mukuro had concocted while others were worried for his safety, an eerie figure loomed over his bed with a sinister smile on its face.

Without a word, the intruder hefted the sleeping man onto his shoulders, since carrying him bridal style- which was much easier and energy saving- would have just seemed to add more wrongness to the whole situation. Apparently, the things he said and did always seemed to have a way of gaining a double meaning. "Kufufufu, I am going to have so much fun playing with you today Tsunayoshi-kun."

See? Double meaning.

A knock on the door instantly reminded the intruder of his limited amount of time. Letting out a silent curse, he tightened his hold on his captive, and it was only a matter of seconds before a violent burst of indigo flames shot up from the floor and engulfed the two.

By the time whoever was at the door decided to enter despite not receiving permission, the Decimo and his kidnapper had already disappeared.

* * *

Ever wake up to find yourself chained to the passenger seat of a car in your pajamas while your Mist guardian drove you to God knows where and told you about his past lives?

"… and that's when the farmer caught me in bed with his wife. I didn't live long after that… just a few second really. Before I could even grab my pants and jump from the window, he blew my brains out with his shotgun kufufufu."

"…"

"I suppose you can figure out where I ended up after that. Adultery can only get you so far, ne Tsunayoshi-kun?"

"…"

"Oya oya, don't look at me like that. Hell isn't really as bad as it sounds. In fact, when I entered there, they welcomed me with open arms. And Lucifer… he's actually quite a nice guy. The two of us are really great friends." Mukuro smiled wistfully at that. "Well, we didn't really get along at first- with me temporarily overthrowing him in hell and all... but after we settled our differences, we realized we had a lot in common-"

A lot in common with Satan? _Who have I let into my family?!_

"- so as a token of our new found friendship, I stepped down. And ever since that day, Lucifer and I have been quite close." Mukuro finished off with his signature laugh.

The Decimo paled._ People should have been warned about Mukuro in the bible!_

"Um… Mukuro, why am I here?" Tsuna asked as soon as he'd gotten over the initial shock of waking up to stories of previous lives and hell. "And why am I in chains?"

The laughter that Mukuro let out then sent shivers down the Decimo's spine. "Why do you make it sound like what I'm doing is a crime?"

_That's because it is!_ Tsuna stared at his Mist guardian in disbelief. How could someone kidnap and chain their boss and just laugh about it as if nothing was wrong? "Mukuro," The Decimo decided to speak up when he thought he understood what was going through the bluenette's head. "I think you're confused. Today's not your turn… It's Kyoya's."

Tsuna then learned that saying Hibari's name while Mukuro drove was taboo.

The relatively normal speed the car had been going by, increased drastically and Mukuro's grip on the wheel tightened as heterochromatic eyes darkened. The bluenette faced Tsuna with a nerve-wracking smile as he said, "Kufufufu, I know. And I'm still mad about that Tsunayoshi-kun…"

Tsuna gulped. And for the fourth time that week, he saw his life flash before his eyes. Whether it was from his guardian's driving or from the terrifying messages Mukuro was giving him simply through body language alone, he wasn't sure. But what he was sure of, was that there would be blood once Hibari found out.

And just as his luck would have it, he was smack-dab in the middle of it all.

"But, why?" The Decimo asked nervously. It wasn't like he'd canceled his name off or anything. Had he actually done something to anger his Mist guardian without knowing? Not likely, he had been extra careful with the list-

"You put Kyoya one day before me." Mukuro said with a straight face. And for a moment- just a tiny fraction of a moment- Tsuna could have sworn he'd seen hurt flash across his guardian's expression- but that was the least of his worries. "You kidnapped me because of that?!"

"Kufufufu, I did not kidnap you. I merely borrowed you without telling anyone. I'll return you as soon as the day is done."

Tsuna spluttered for a few seconds and after much effort, he finally managed, "I have a meeting today!"

Mukuro's fear bringing smile returned. "Tough luck."

There was a brief moment of silence before a familiar squeaky voice singing Namimori middle school's anthem tore through the air. Mukuro instantly lowered his speed, and both he and Tsuna fixed their gazes on the tiny yellow bird that was flying not far from where they were. "Hi-Hibird?"

"Kufufufu, Kyoya must have sent him to search for you"

Tsuna couldn't help the small smile that formed on his face. _I'm saved!_

However, the Decimo's hopes were immediately shattered when a worm materialized in front of the bird. Tsuna turned and stared at Mukuro, terrified. "Wha- What are you doing?"

"Nothing." The bluenette easily lied.

Once Hibird had caught sight of the illusion, Mukuro led the yellow bird towards his car with it. Ignorant of the Mist guardian's horrible plan, the little ball of feathers happily followed the floating worm, Namimori's school song momentarily replaced with the word, 'Food'.

"Mukuro…"

The Mist guardian ignored his boss. The bird was already close enough, he didn't need Tsuna ruining his chance. As the illusionary worm dissipated, a gag materialized over the Decimo's mouth and his eyes instantly widened at the sudden handicap. He tried to scream and yell but the piece of cloth prevented him from making any coherent words and the chains around him restricted almost every single one of his movements.

"Kufufufu, stop being so overdramatic." Mukuro stated as he stepped on the pedal. "Hold on to anything you can get your hands on Tsunayoshi-kun." With one quick glance at the chains, he shook his head. "Never mind."

Tsuna's eyes widened as Mukuro mercilessly drove his Audi into Hibari's pet.

Hibird stuck to the windshield when the car rammed into him, and Mukuro (may God damn his soul) activated the wipers without hesitation. Once the poor bird was removed, the Mist guardian turned to Tsuna with a smile and dispelled the illusionary gag.

Tsuna was in tears. "You monster! How could you do that?! Hibird was family!"

"Kufufufu, there was no other way Tsunayoshi-kun. It had to be done." Mukuro said with the same creepy smile he used to make children cry. "I didn't want him running off to tell Kyoya-kun where we were."

"You're insane!"

"Why, thank you. I try."

The Decimo tried to back away but the chains stopped him, and before he could even think about yelling out for help, a dark clothed figure landed on the hood of the car and smacked the windshield with a tonfa. There was a brief moment were the cracks formed from the impact merely ran through the glass in a manner that resembled that of a spider's web without doing anything else- and just when Tsuna thought it was over, the windshield came crashing down.

"Hibari-san!" The brunet exclaimed once he realized who it was. _Oh God! I'm finished! I just know it! He's definitely here to avenge Hibird!_

As Tsuna was busy panicking over a crime he didn't commit, Mukuro was smiling like a saint, all the while secretly summoning his trident. "Kyoya-kun."

"Pineapple parasite." Hibari acknowledged. Over the years, the skylark had come to realize that the members of his Famiglia weren't just simple herbivores as he'd originally thought. Although it took some time, he'd finally learnt to categorize them all with the perfect personalities… except Tsuna. "Animal."

Tsuna smiled awkwardly. He knew that Hibari didn't mean any harm with that name, but he couldn't help but feel a little offended every time. Of course the Cloud guardian had told him the reason for that (his personality was quite confusing- pathetically herbivorous one minute, absolutely carnivorous the next and there were times he even acted like an insect) but still…

Animal?

That just sounded offensive.

Well, at least he wasn't a pineapple parasite like Mukuro.

"What are you doing?" Hibari asked monotonously. The Cloud guardian was dying to bite Mukuro to death and he was just waiting for one wrong word from the bluenette so that he could attack.

He'd wasted precious time that morning waiting for the animal only to find that he wasn't home. When he'd entered the Decimo's room a few hours back, the only reason he'd concluded that Tsuna had been abducted was because of the tiny wisps of indigo flames that remained on the carpet after the Mist guardians departure. (And since Chrome was just too nice to even think about harming a fly, Hibari immediately deemed Mukuro as the culprit).

"I don't have to explain myself to you Kyoya-kun." Mukuro stated calmly as he walked out of his car… through the area where his windshield used to be. Confidently, he stepped on the hood and walked towards Hibari, unintentionally scraping off some of the indigo paint job off of his Audi with the base of his trident. "Besides, I have just as much right to Tsunayoshi-kun as you do."

Hibari was about to respond by saying that it was his turn that day, but then, he suddenly remembered that Mukuro wasn't worth that much wastage of his breath. So, raising his tonfa, he said his signature statement with an added 'pineapple parasite' before lunging at the Mist guardian and effectively knocking him off a reasonable distance from the car. However, Mukuro didn't seem to take it too kindly for he immediately summoned two beastly illusions to battle the skylark as he hurriedly thought of an effective plan to bring his rival down.

_What is wrong with my family?! _Tsuna thought as he desperately tried to free himself from the chains. His efforts were futile and receiving help from a passerby was something he didn't expect to get any time soon for he was practically in the middle of nowhere.

In fact, now that he thought about it, Hibari finding them had been a miracle all on its own.

By the time Tsuna grew tired of struggling and actually realized that he was going to get wiped out if the fight went on any longer, he said the only thing that he knew would stop it. "Kyoya, if you stop, I promise you three battles!"

The fight between the two guardians immediately halted.

_God these people are beasts!_ Tsuna thought as both his guardians withdrew their weapons and turned to face him.

"Make it ten, Animal."

Tsuna's eyes widened. "Ten! I can't do tha-"

Hibari's glare had instantly made him shut up. "I don't negotiate."

_That's exactly what you're doing now!_ Tsuna mentally cried.

"I can't help but feel like I'm being left out Tsunayoshi-kun." Mukuro said. The look in the bluenette's eyes guaranteed the Decimo a major case of mind raping if he didn't say something soon. "You practically kidnapped me Mukuro! How can you possibly feel left out?" The chained boss exclaimed. The Mist guardian seemed to mull over what Tsuna had said for a few seconds before nodding his head in acceptance. He and Hibari stared at each other for a while, and history was made once again as a brief moment of understanding passed between the two of them.

"Hn, Animal. Very well." And with that said, Hibari turned to leave.

With his creepy smile in place, Mukuro watched the skylark's retreating form and he only snapped out of his trance when Tsuna spoke. "Um… Mukuro, why are you looking at Hibari like that."

"Kufufufu, no reason." The Mist guardian said as he returned to the car, his mind already working on the illusionary replacement for his windshield and paint job.

If Tsuna had been smart, he would have realized that Mukuro had actually been staring at the direction Hibari had headed, and not the Cloud guardian himself. _Kufufufu, I wonder how Kyoya-kun will react when he sees his little birdie's condition._

And if Tsuna had been just a little bit smarter than that, he would have realized that letting Hibari leave without him was actually throwing away the only chance he had of escaping Mukuro.

With a disturbing smile in place, the Mist guardian started the car and drove off to wherever it was he intended to take Tsuna.

To his credit though, the brunet didn't lose his mind as a result of being exposed to Mukuro for too long. _It's a small price to pay in exchange for stopping World War III._

He didn't know what the bluenette intended to with him that day, but it couldn't really be anything bad. For once, he was going to actually trust Mukuro and believe in the bond he shared with his Mist guardian. Yes, Mukuro was definitely not going to try to possess his body when his guard was down.

Ha, yeah right.

Tsuna was definitely going to make a run for it at the first chance he saw... at least that's what he thought he'd do, but Mukuro proved to be very intelligent when it came to figuring out Tsuna's pathetic attempts at escaping before the brunet even had a chance to implement them.

That day, Tsuna missed his meeting with the don of the Trad 6 Famiglia because he was kidnapped by his creepiest guardian.

* * *

**A/N:** I repeat, Hibird is not dead!

Okay, now for the real authors note:

I don't know why, but as much as I love this chapter, I still feel like somethings a little off, or maybe it's just me. I don't know...

(1) Tsuna couldn't exactly carry Ryohei as he flew because a) The boxer probably weighs much more than he does b) Tsuna needs both his hands to produce the flames that propel him so he definitely won't be able to carry his big brother and c) it would be pretty weird if the people on the ground saw two flaming men in suits flying above them. (This of course also answers the question of why Tsuna goes through all this trouble with crazy guardians instead of just flying to his meetings).

The next chapter is Hibari's turn and probably... Reborn too. Still not sure about Chrome though... but I suppose I'll figure something out soon enough lol.

Anyways, please review guys. Me loves the reviews and they definitely motivate me :)

(I'd also really appreciate it if you guys actually listened to my request instead of blatantly ignoring it (: )


	3. He was sure they'd be the death of him

**A/N:** Sorry for the wait guys. This thing was supposed to be out like what? Ten days ago? I'm telling ya, School's a total pain...

Anyways, a big big thank you to all those who read, reviewed, faved and alerted my fic and/or me! I love you guys so much!

So, anyways, here's a shout out to the reviewers of the previous chapter: Hibari Katomi, heitan, The lone cloud, TheLemonGoddess , YamadaHikari, Lightning515, DNAngel512, Tsuna 4 Cn4s, detramental, 69AnimeFreak69, Guest (Haha, yes, you're predictions were right! So… I suppose you're Future Foreteller ne?),WaiiKitsune and Lord Pikachu

_**Disclaimer:**_ I own KHR... even the nice doctor agrees with me. But I wonder why he gave me this strange jacket... I can't move my arms...

_Warning: _Bad words. Some instances that make absolutely no sense... you know, the usual.

* * *

For someone who'd spent the previous night having nightmares of dead Hibirds blaming him for their deaths only to find the bird alive and kicking, Tsuna was handling himself pretty well.

For one, he did not back down from Hibari's turn even though his Hyper Intuition was practically blaring and giving him all signs that showed him something was going to go terribly wrong. He didn't even bat an eye when his Cloud guardian entered the garage with a bandaged bird on his head despite his inane urge to scream, 'How come Hibird's alive?!'; and if that's not enough to prove what a skilled mafia boss he was becoming, then the fact that he had enough mind to snatch Hibird from Hibari before the canary could rat on him must have at least proven something.

"What are you doing Animal?" Hibari asked his bird-snatching boss as his hands hovered over his tonfa. If Tsuna didn't provide him with a good answer, he was going to bite him to death on the spot.

The brunet winced at the name but still forced a smile as he lamely lied. "I… uh… well… You're the driver so… you'll be driving and… I don't want Hibird feeling pressure…" _What the heck am I saying?! _"What I mean is… since you're driving, I would be more than happy to take care of Hibird's, um… needs, while you're… busy, yeah! Busy, minding the road." He said with a smile as he pinched the canary's beak shut. Just incase.

Hibari's eyes narrowed in suspicion at his boss's actions but he showed no signs of attacking since out of all the other Vongola ring guardians, Tsuna was the one closest to his pet, so the possibility of him truly looking out for Hibird was actually higher than him trying to hide some dastardly deed he'd committed. "Fine."

Upon reaching his car, Hibari fished out his keys and unlocked the door before motioning Tsuna to get inside. With his fingers still firmly locked on Hibird's beak, the brunet nodded and headed off to the passenger's side where he immediately plopped himself on the seat without so much as a word. Tsuna had already put on his seatbelt when Hibari started the car, and for a moment, the Decimo felt a sense of dread well up inside him. However, once they were on their way out of the garage and into the path leading to the gates of the estate, Tsuna's fears were immediately squashed and replaced with shock.

"Um… Kyoya, does your car have any problems?"

"No."

Tsuna took a deep breath as he tried to phrase his next question, since the last thing he wanted was Hibari biting him to death because of a simple misunderstanding. "Then, why is it moving so slo- No!" The brunet quickly corrected himself when he saw Hibari's eyes narrow once more. "I mean why is it so velocity…cally challenged?" The Cloud guardian raised an eyebrow at Tsuna's choice of words but he didn't comment on them. "I do not wish to endanger Hibird's health any further."

At the mention of the Hibird's name, a little part of the Decimo died.

He knew he was partially responsible for the bird's condition, although how was still a question he couldn't answer. However, guilty conscious aside, that didn't mean he was going to confess or release the canary's beak any time soon. "Speaking of Hibird… what happened?" Tsuna tried to sound as innocent as possible as he asked that. If he and Mukuro were still alive and breathing, then Kyoya not knowing what really happened to the bird was quite probable.

"Some herbivore ran over him yesterday."

With skills he never knew he possessed, Tsuna feigned surprise. "What?! Do you know who did it?"

Hibari turned to glare at the brunet this time. "No. But when I find those herbivores, I will bite them so bad, not even their parents will be able to recognize their remains."

Although Hibari didn't direct the vow of vengeance at him, Tsuna's too-weak-to-take-much-more heart skipped a few beats out of fear. "… What if… hypothetically speaking, there were two people in the car that ran him over but the driver was an insane psychopath from hell and the passenger was just an innocent human being who'd gotten kidnapped, chained and gagged for no apparent reason b- b- but he still tried to stop the lunatic from hitting Hibird? You'd forgive the hostage right?"

At this, Hibari smirked. "No. I'll bite them both to death."

Tsuna scooted towards the door for his own safety after his Cloud guardian's statement. _He is just too cruel!_ The brunet shifted uneasily for a while, and it wasn't until he was sure that the conversation wouldn't progress any further did he relax. With Hibari's threats of total annihilation, Hibird's attempts to break free from his hold and the unbelievably slow motion of the car, the Decimo decided that it would be best to enjoy the short moment of peace before shit hit the fan.

Because whether he deserved it or not, it was definitely going to.

Several minutes had already passed after the exchange when Tsuna spoke once more, and inwardly, he wondered if he had a death wish- because, really, who in their right mind would try to chitchat with a pissed off Hibari Kyoya. "So… Hibari," the Decimo wasn't exactly comfortable with calling his Cloud guardian by his first name after their previous talk, "I know this is probably not the best time for this but thanks."

The raven shot him a quizzical look but it disappeared as quickly as it came, and if Tsuna hadn't been so observant at the time, he would have missed it. "I mean, thanks for driving me off to my meeting today." The brunet clarified. He'd expected Gokudera, Yamamoto, Lambo and Chrome to accept his request without a moments hesitation, even Mukuro (that sick man) was guaranteed to accept Tsuna's orders- his reasons probably lay under the prospect of bringing down the mafia world through possessing his boss's body but still.

Hibari on the other hand, was a different matter all on his own. The Decimo had thought that the Cloud guardian would simply brush him off without even caring about the vast importance of the meeting he was supposed to take him, but Hibari seemed to take pleasure in surprising Tsuna despite knowing how weak his heart was, for he had readily said yes before disappearing to wherever it was he usually went off to.

"Hn." Was Hibari's only response.

Unbeknownst to Tsuna, his Cloud guardian's reasons for driving him were nowhere near nice, or pure for that matter. His original plan had been to take Tsuna to the forest outside town and battle him without any interference from the other herbivores he's forced to live with, but sadly, that idea was foiled when Mukuro chose to kidnap the Animal before he had the chance to. Of course, after Hibari had cornered the Pineapple parasite a few hours later they'd engaged in battle, and their boss, being the suicidal fool that he was, chose to stop them by promising him ten (it was originally three, but that's not what's important) battles. With the prospect of fighting his powerful boss now an achievable feat, Hibari no longer saw the need for drive Tsuna off to his meetings anymore, but when he noticed the name of the Famiglia he was supposed to take the Decimo to the next day, he simply smirked and canceled his 'ditch the Animal' plan.

"Say… Kyoya, can't this car go any faster?" Tsuna was becoming bolder by the minute. If it weren't for the old lady who managed to literally out-walk Hibari's Bugatti, he wouldn't have even dared to voice his opinion on the car's speed. And upon closer inspection, the Decimo realized that said lady looked suspiciously like the granny Ryohei had almost run over two days before- cast and crutches aside, Tsuna noted that she was doing quite well.

For a moment, Hibari considered just ignoring his annoying animal of a boss, but after some thought, he decided that answering him was probably for the best. "It can."

There.

Short, clipped and to the point.

But apparently, Tsuna didn't seem to understand Hibari's methods of ending conversations. "Then why-"

"Hibird's health is more important to me than your meeting, Animal."

_But this meeting is essential if the Vongola want to secure- _Tsuna stopped that train of thought in favor of focusing on something else. "Why didn't you just leave him at ho-" Hibari glared and his boss, effectively cutting him off from finishing his question.

So, as his Cloud guardian shot him the coldest glare of his life, Tsuna made a very important discovery.

He was telepathic.

That had to be it. After all, it was the only way he could explain how he could translate a glower into, 'If you don't shut up now, I'll bite you to death'?

Silence reigned in the car after that brief conversation (Tsuna was slightly against calling it that though), and despite being bored out of his mind, the brunet didn't do or say anything more. He merely leaned back on his seat, his grip on Hibird only loosening enough to grant the bird a little freedom of movement and blood circulation.

As he watched the trees, buildings and pedestrians pass by (at an achingly slow pace if he might add), his fingers eventually let go of Hibird's beak in favor of stroking the bird's back. Whether it was to calm the canary or his own agitated nerves, he wasn't sure, however, he was definitely sure of one thing; he was going to miss the meeting he had that day by being late.

After ten minutes, his assumption was proven wrong.

_I must have been Hitler in my past life! _Tsuna mentally cried out since that was the only explanation he could come up with for his accursed luck. He'd just been minding his own business watching various cars overtake Hibari's vehicle due to his surprisingly slow pace (none of them had the courage to honk, yell or insult the raven for his speed- any sane person in their city was well aware of Hibari Kyoya's ruthlessness), when he noticed a familiar police car park a not so far from where they were. His eyes widened comically, and once he'd recovered from the shock of seeing Ricardo approach them (Tsuna had a feeling that man had him on radar), he unhooked his seatbelt and considered jumping out of the window, but after he figured he wouldn't make it, he settled for leaping into the backseat where he tried to blend into the background and hope that the cop wouldn't notice him.

By Tsuna standards, it had been a good plan.

For his part, Hibari didn't seem to notice the angry policeman approaching them. In fact, he didn't even seem to care that his boss was on the verge of having a panic attack behind him. The only reason Tsuna was sure his Cloud guardian had noticed him was because of the brief glare he'd sent him when he shifted seats. The silent 'What the fuck are you doing' that loomed over that icy stare almost made Tsuna pee in his pants. He knew that if his excuse wasn't good enough, he'd get bitten to death with little to no mercy. It was only after he reminded himself that he could beat Hibari in a fair fight did he relax and focus on stating his reasons for shifting seats so suddenly. "I-"

"Excuse me."

Both Mafiosi turned to face the owner of the voice. Tsuna wasn't sure if he should fear for his life or the cop's as Hibari's mood darkened- but his decision was made for him when his Cloud guardian's violent aura suddenly disappeared as he parked his car on the side of the road. "Herbivore."

"Mr. Hibari?"

If Tsuna hadn't been scared shitless at the prospect of being bitten to death before going to jail, he'd have had a heart attack. Yamamoto, he could understand, the man was the friendliest person he'd ever had the chance to meet, but Ricardo being acquainted with the most antisocial psychopath in history, Hibari? That was just… "How do you guys even know each other?!" The brunet found himself asking. The shock had been too much, and eventually, his curiosity had overridden his self preservation instincts before he'd had the chance to stop himself. Ricardo, who seemed to have not noticed Tsuna at all before, narrowed his eyes when he saw the hiding Decimo, and the only reason he hadn't spoken to him was because Hibari beat him to it. "I met the herbivore yesterday. He… saved Hibird's life."

Although faint, the gratitude in Hibari's voice was not missed by the two men, and Tsuna, for the nth time in his short, miserable life, almost had a stroke. This man, that hated him and blamed him for breaking road rules (even though he was just a mere passenger), had managed to get on Hibari's good side in less than a day, while he, the raven's boss, was still working hard on that despite knowing Hibari for over ten years? _How's that even fair?!_

After Hibari had finished his statement, Ricardo didn't waste any more time. His professional air returned and he pulled out his handcuffs. "You're under arrest Tsunoshi Shawada." (1)

_God, that was random. _"What?! I didn't do anything?!" Tsuna knew he was guilty of many things, what with him being a mafia don and all, but he was sure he had a pretty clean slate due to the immense effort he put into covering his tracks. "Two days ago, you were seen riding in a vehicle alongside a lunatic."

_What does Ryohei's psychotic driving have to do with me? _

"…I don't remember." Despite the turmoil that was haphazardly swirling inside his mind, Tsuna's face was devoid of any expression as he said that- and he knew full well that the cop was dying to say that he had seen him. Ricardo glared at him even harder than before, and the only reason he hadn't pulled Tsunoshi from the Bugatti was out of the immense respect (and slight fear) he felt for Hibari. The man was practically danger personified, and quite frankly, he wondered how a delinquent like the brunet was even acquainted with him. He could easily arrest the man right now, even after he'd claimed innocence, but the cruel streak in him begged to differ. A small part of him felt sorry for Tsunoshi, but once again, his more sadistic part (that felt immense hatred for the man for some reason) won out and a feral grin formed on his face as he pulled out his trump card. "Very well. Mr. Hibari," the blond shot the raven his full attention as his hand reached into his back pocket and pulled out a picture. "This is all I could find out on Hibird's attackers. But I believe it's enough."

At the mention of Hibird, Tsuna hurriedly shuffled from his position and moved forward to see what Ricardo had shown his guardian. As he peered over Hibari's shoulder, the Decimo felt the raven suddenly tense. "Animal…" Gulping at the negative signs already spread out before him, Tsuna's eyes focused on the blurry image on the photograph- that looked so much like the pictures printed out from surveillance footages- and promptly decided that if he hadn't been Hitler in his past life, then he must have been associated with Mukuro.

_How is this even logically possible?!_ Tsuna thought as he stared at the image in disbelief. Although it wasn't quite clear, the indigo car definitely resembled an Audi and the two figures within were unmistakably male. The blue haired driver appeared to have a weird pineapple hairstyle while the brown haired passenger simply looked like he'd never used a comb in his life. The faces weren't particularly clear but the plate number was- but even if it hadn't been, Hibari had already figured out who they were. There was only one man in town that would sport that ridiculous fruit shaped hairstyle, and just as fate would have it, he had been with Tsuna yesterday.

_This doesn't make any sense! How did he even- _Tsuna immediately stopped asking himself any more questions when he remembered something important.

This was his life.

Screw logic.

Fuck common sense.

Menial things like logic, reality, sense, impossibilities… none of them existed in his life's dictionary. Now fully accepting that fact, Tsuna chose to do the only thing that could save his sorry butt from some undeserved biting to death. Calmly placing Hibird on Hibari's head, he jumped out of the car window and dialed Mukuro's number as he ran for his life..

_Please pick up! Please pick up! Please pick up! _Tsuna chanted mentally as he held his phone close to his ear. He'd already run off quite a good distance when he heard a click on the other end. "You better have a good reason for waking me Vongola." Mukuro's voice was groggy as he spoke and Tsuna briefly wondered why that man was still asleep at eleven in the morning, but he quickly pushed that thought to the back of his head. "Listen Mukuro! I need your help! Kyoya knows we ran over Hibird!" The Decimo then went on to tell his Mist Guardian about their images that appeared on the photograph Hibari had been handed by Ricardo, he purposely left out the fact that he thought that the way they'd been discovered made absolutely no sense whatsoever, thinking that maybe Mukuro would mention it.

"So… did I look good?"

"What is wrong with you?!" Tsuna turned back to check how far he'd gone but his hopes were crushed when he saw Hibari hot on his tail, tonfas raised and malicious aura radiating off of him as he said something about biting foolish animals to death. "I'm about to die for a crime I didn't commit and all you care about is how you looked?!" By the uncaring 'meh' he'd received and the rustling of clothing on the other end, Tsuna supposed Mukuro had shrugged at his remark, but nonetheless, he still continued. "Please Mukuro! Kyoya's after me! I'm too young to die!"

"Kufufufu, it sure sucks to be you."

_You horrible, horrible man! _"Mukuro!" Then, almost as if it were an epiphany, he was struck by the brilliant idea of baiting his guardian. "You know what, never mind. Kyoya'd probably beat you black and blue anyway." Tsuna almost tripped on an empty can on the sidewalk as he dashed into the alley and hid behind a dumpster. He was lucky that this part of town was practically empty at this time of day, the last thing he needed was endangering other people's lives as a bloodthirsty Kyoya trailed behind him.

"I get what you're trying to do Tsunayoshi-kun. Believe me when I say, I won't fall for-"

Tsuna heaved a sigh of relief when he saw Hibari unknowingly run past his hiding spot. Great, he still had a few more minutes to live. "It's okay to be scared Mukuro. I completely understand. Even I'm scared shitless right now. I mean for someone who usually beats him in a fair fight, I must admit that I knew I had no chances of winning the moment I jumped out the window."

"You jumped out of a window?"

"Yeah, from the back seat. I'm telling you, with the way Hibari was looking at me, I swear I saw my life flash before my eyes." _It seems to be doing that a lot lately. _"I don't think it would be good if you exposed yourself to such a situation. You probably won't be able to handle it anyways."

"You better watch your words." Tsuna could tell that the cheerful tone in Mukuro's voice was strained. _He is definitely pissed._ A small smile made its way to his face at that thought, and it wasn't long before he went in for the kill. "It's at times like these that I'm reminded why Hibari's considered the Vongola's strongest guardian."

There were several crashes and thuds on the other end before Mukuro spoke once more. "Where are you now?"

"No, Mukuro. You shouldn't risk-"

"Where in Satan's name are you Vongola?" The Mist guardian all but shouted, and Tsuna being the only sane person to have ever heard that line, raised an eyebrow at the strangely phrased question but he refrained from talking about it. Instead, the brunet tried to recall his surroundings and told Mukuro about his location. He estimated that it would take the bluenette about twenty minutes to get there, if he drove like a mad man- but there was no problem there since he was already insane to begin with- since it took Kyoya about an hour to do so.

"I'll be there in five." Mukuro said with finality and without wasting anymore time, he ended the call.

"Eh?!" _What do you think you are doing?! This isn't the fast and the furious!_

In the next few minutes, Tsuna realized that Mukuro had lied. He didn't arrive in five minutes, he arrived in three. There wasn't even enough time for the Decimo to worry about who will kill who before a miniature war was started by his two guardians. From his position behind the dumpster, he couldn't see or hear much of what was going on aside from explosions, kufufufus and the occasional 'For being an annoyance to humanity, I'll bite you to death Pineapple parasite.'

At that moment, the Decimo knew he had two options. He could either run for his life and pray that Kyoya and Mukuro don't kill each other, or he could simply go in and try to stop them before they wiped another city off of the country's map.

Tsuna chose his life. _Besides, if I go in, they'd simply annihilate me first. _(2)

_Okay, this is my chance! _Tsuna thought as he slowly exited his hiding spot. With his Mist and Cloud guardians busy trying to draw each others' blood, he was definitely going to make the most of it and run off to safety as fast as his weak legs could take him. As he tiptoed his way out of the alley, over a few piles of rubble and to the four-way stop at the far end (a safe distance away from where his crazy guardians were), he couldn't help but well up with sadness at the amount of paperwork that would result from this. He'd almost reached the nearest junction when his eyes widened as he felt a hand grab his shoulder.

Damn, he wasn't supposed to get caught so soon.

With a strained smile in place, he turned around slowly. "I wasn't running away... honest." He stopped when he noticed that the one touching him wasn't any of his psychotic guardians. "Eh? You're still alive- I mean, here? You're still here?" Although he was too shocked to answer, the cop managed to nod weakly in response. Tsuna noted that the man looked paler than he had been a few minutes ago, but that was understandable since any normal person would react the same way after seeing the inhumanly violent battles his guardians took part in. "W… what are those people?"

The Decimo was about to lie through his teeth and say that he didn't know what he was talking about when an anaconda materialized in the battle field, it's length only stopping a few feet from where he and the blond stood. Changing tactics from ignorant to panicked, Tsuna grabbed the man's arm and ran to the nearest car he could find, which coincidentally turned out to be Ricardo's own. "If you wish to live to see another day, you will get inside and drive like your life depends on it!"

Surprised at the brunet's sudden change in personalities, Ricardo nodded and entered his car almost immediately after he'd received the order. Inserting the key into the ignition, he drove like crazy until they were in the other half of town. They made a quick stop at a gas station, but even then, the policeman and the brunet each had their eyes open for any strange creatures and explosions that would suddenly pop out from behind them. Once they were sure they were safe, they parked at an almost empty parking lot next to a supermarket and tried to regain their bearings.

"What were those guys?! Were they even humans?!"

"I don't know! I always ask myself the same thing sometimes!"

"And you! How do you even know such people?!"

"They're my family!"

"How-?!"

Tsuna shrugged. "Long story. It's quite a painful one too." Ricardo ran a hand through his hair after the brunet said that, to think that a guy like him could get involved with such strange people. "I'm guessing they're not the only crazy people in your family huh?" The Decimo nodded his head.

"The terrorist?"

"Right-hand man."

"Takeshi?"

"Left-hand man… though Hayato always wanted him to be the shoulder blade."

"The loud lunatic?"

"Big brother."

"The pineapple maniac?"

"… You really don't want to know."

"Even Mr. Hibari?" Tsuna sighed at this. "Yeah… him too." There was a long moment of silence after that, then, "God, your life sucks." Starting the car once more, Ricardo shot the brunet a sad smile before offering, "Wanna go get a drink?" The brunet checked his wristwatch before nodding, the meeting was probably over anyways. "Sure, why not."

That day, Tsuna missed his meeting with the don of the Chiavarone Famiglia because he went out drinking with a cop after spending a majority of his time fleeing for his life.

* * *

"-and I still ended up missing all those meetings..." Tsuna sobbed as he chugged down the last of his drink.

"Wow, your whole life is a mess."

"You poor thing."

"You should write a book Tsuna!"

The Decimo was unaware when his life story had attracted the attention of the other occupants at the bar but he didn't mind. These people understood him- even the pickpocket that had tried to rob him blind had changed his mind after he heard about his tragic life. But of course, even in his drunk state, Tsuna still had enough mind to leave out the bit that concerned him being a mafia boss and all. As far as they knew, he was just some rich guy who had his inheritance and a shit load of lunatics forced onto him when he was a pathetically untalented thirteen year old.

Some of them had asked him why the hell he put up with such things, but he simply smiled fondly and said, "They're my family." From the way, he'd said those three words, everyone could tell that he loved those people regardless of their psychopathic tendencies.

"Wow… Tsuna," The brunet had told Ricardo to call him that since it was what he usually went by, "I'm really sorry man. If I had known that life was this cruel to you, I'd have never tried to arrest you in the first place."

"It's okay. At least I was safe in jail. The assassins never came after me while I was there."

Most of the people winced at that. It was a miracle this man hadn't died yet.

Tsuna was just about to tell his new friends about his nonexistent love life (because no girl in their right mind would date him) when the doors burst open and five people in designer suits entered the bar. The brunet didn't seem affected by their appearance at all, in fact, he looked like he'd won some sort of bet. Turning to Ricardo with a knowing smile, he said, "See, I told you they had me on GPS."

"Tenth!" The silver haired man yelled as he rushed to the Tsuna. "I knew I shouldn't have left you alone with that bastard in the morning! I'll skin him alive when I see him!" A lot of eyes widened at that declaration because the man stating that definitely looked like he could do such a thing. One of the suited figures just laughed at his friend's antics as he made his way to Tsuna as well, albeit at a much slower pace. "Maa maa Hayato, there's no need for that. The most important thing is that Tsuna's safe ne?"

"Don't 'maa maa Hayato' me, you Baseball idiot! Help the Tenth!"

The raven laughed once again before he followed his friend's instructions. Grabbing Tsuna's left arm, he slung it around his shoulders as Gokudera did the same with the other arm and they both lifted their boss to his feet. "Wow, Tsuna! You're totally wasted… Oh, hey Ricardo!"

"Hey…" Ricardo stated weakly. After what he heard Yamamoto could do, the blond wasn't exactly sure what light he was supposed to look at his friend from now on. He also decided that for his safety, he wouldn't bother arresting those people, even if he had the chance. Besides, Tsuna told him not to bother, prison wouldn't hold them anyways.

"This is EXTREME Sawada! Why didn't you tell me you were coming here?! I could EXTREMELY use a drink or two as well!"

"Ryo-nii… you're not allowed to drink." (3)

"Nonsense Lambo! I can EXTREMELY-"

"Ah, shut up Lawn-head! Let's head back to the car- the Tenth doesn't look so good. Chrome…" The only female of the group nodded at the silverette, already knowing what she was required to do even before she received her orders. As the rest of the dangerous men walked to the door, she headed to the counter and spoke. "I hope boss didn't cause any trouble." And without even asking for the bill, she pulled out her wallet and took out a bundle of notes. "I hope this will be enough to cover for his drinks."

With shaking hands, the bartender accepted the exceedingly large wad of cash. He had originally thought of not charging the brunet since he really needed those drinks anyway (after all, the man had one hell of a shitty life)- but now that the money, as well as a three hundred percent tip, was right in front of him, he didn't have the heart to say no. "I- I- It's more than enough Ma'am!"

Nodding, the lady, Chrome turned around to leave, but before she could get far, Ricardo stopped her. "Excuse me… Is Tsuna going to be alright? We-" he gestured to the rest of the bar occupants, "-heard him say that uh… what was his name? Reborn? Yeah, Reborn, would… do things to him once he got home as punishment for missing his meeting." He felt a little too scared to even state the torturous activities his new friend had told him, so he settled for being vague, hoping that she may get what he meant.

Blinking one large, violet eye, Chrome smiled ruefully at the blond and said, "Boss… is a very strong man."

The rest of the people in the bar paled, but Chrome didn't pay them much attention as she walked out the door.

* * *

**A/N:** Well, that''s it for now! I hope you guys liked it :)

Sorry if the little bar scene at the end annoyed some of you. Tsuna just needed some people who'd actually understand him. Who knew it'd turn out to be at a bar of all places XD

(1) Remember Reborn in chapter 1. The lawyer thing... his client... Tsunoshi Shawada.

(2) TYL Tsuna is strong, I'm sure we all agree with that. But if he just threw himself into a battle with Hibari and Mukuro out of the blue, those two would likely get rid of him first. Hibari because... he's Hibari and Mukuro would do so because he's a backstabber. Plain and simple. Remember, despite Tsu-kun being a BAMF, those two guardians of his are just as good. Two against one in a serious battle would just be...

Plus, this is humor. I do not wish to expand on Tsuna's amazingness... in this fic. Sorry :(

(3) Ryohei should not be allowed to drink! We have better luck with a drunk Mukuro than we do with him. I don't know what the mangaka was thinking when she had TYL Ryohei drinking at Hibari's place. (But then again, that's just my opinion).

Anyways, see ya!

Please review! It means a lot :)


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